2011 - Year of roller coaster

To say I've had a difficult year does not even come close to summing up what happened. I know I'm a strong person, but everyone's strength is put to test at some point, so I guess it was my turn. This year has been a very challenging year for me. Work is just so so; could say it's bad. Personal wise has taken a toll. So huge that no one could have expected.

After almost 5 years of marriage, I could not believe it has come to an end. No one could imagine the dissapointment I felt deep inside. Meeting him with the hope that things will take a turn and change for better made the dissapoinment worse. Despite all the things that happened, I wished he could do just that lil extra to save it from ending. Sometimes a lil extra makes the difference. He beg to differ. Both of us have our own side to the story. Him pointing finger at me & vice versa as usual.

All this while people thought I had the best husband, best family & the life some people could only dream of. Until I started telling my family, they were all in shocked. I could still remember that feeling on my mom's face when I told her. She was having dinner then she halted & her mouth was wide opened upon knowing this.

In September, all finally came to an end and concluded.

Funny thing is most of the time I do think back that part of my life & I feel very very sad. I am not sure as to why the sad feeling still exists. Perhaps is the space & freedom that I have gotten used to. Takes alot of time to recover & it's not easy moving on.

So many things have changed since. For starters, my patience is gone. I can just explode for tiny matters. Then, my cooking is not as tasty as before. Is it that tender loving care that is missing? I have no place to call home. I have forgotten what it's like to feel happy. I have been crying more often than I ever did. Nobody seem to understand that feeling I have. No words can describe them.

Life is too short to live with regrets. I have to dig deep & think what is it that I really want to achieve. The only one who can help me is MYSELF. Hopefully I can find an answer before the end of the year. Is it true that "There's always rainbow a after the storm".